EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS

With David Arquette, Doug E. Doug, Kari Wuhrer, Leon Rippy, Scarlett Johansson
Directed by Ellory Elkayem

There's nothing wrong with spoofing old giant creature films or adding the comedic slant. If it's done this atrociously though, why bother raising the millions necessary to make it if it could've been put to better use elsewhere, or if you could just rent a bunch of classic B flicks? This small-town-overrun-by-biohazard-enhanced-spiders is as crap as crap can be. I was absolutely appalled at the fact that many of the press members sitting through this drekk found the lame scenarios funny, especially with the abso-f-ing-lutely irritating pitch shifted human voices given to the spiders with which to react in a variety of personalized exclamations. You know, the kind of pathetic "uh-oh" sounds before it gets splattered. Gimme a goddamn break and do yourself a favour! Walk on by, unless your cinematic requirements rate zilch on the quality scale. Even Arachnophobic masochists won't be distraught. A trainsmash of a film - and as with a tragedy of that kind, you'll find many rubberneckers who can't resist giving it a look.
At least it features a pre-stardom Scarlett Johansson.

2 / B
- PB

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